Habituating

Last Friday was our one-month anniversary here in Cleveland.  It's a little hard to believe, and I think I told the people at church on Sunday that we'd been here about six weeks, because it feels like we've done six weeks worth of things.  I'm down to three boxes on the main floor and two in the basement to unpack (plus all the stuff on the table), we've gotten two kids launched on a new school schedule, we've hosted two visitors, and it feels like we've visited a lot of churches.  We've enjoyed doing some sightseeing in Cleveland--the Zoo, a Russian cultural festival, and several visits to the nature centers and parks around our house.  We even managed to squeeze in a visit to downtown Cleveland so the kids could see David's office before school starts. 

Although it seems like longer, four weeks is not that long.  It's amazing how quickly things settle into a routine and become normal.  I've stopped reaching for the wrong drawer when I need a tool in the kitchen.  I know exactly when to change lanes to avoid the terrible potholes and then when to move back so I can turn.  I don't need to use Google maps nearly as often, and I think I have my running route figured out (just in time for it to start being a little dark in the mornings...).  I'm getting used to having a TINY freezer and a not so big fridge.  We've already tested out one CSA and are getting ready to try another one (this one with an Omnivore option!).  

There are definitely things, though, that I'm not getting used to.  The houses here are all so different looking and interesting that I find myself getting very distracted while driving.  At least I figured out what was strange about how they are arranged.*  The kids are LOVING school so far, but I miss seeing them!  I also wish I could get used to how much it still hurts to say "our church" and mean Hope, and then remember that isn't true any more.  At least we have made some progress in finding a church here!  You can pray for wisdom as we move towards making this decision, remembering that God did bring us to Cleveland for a reason, no matter how painful it feels right now. 





*Albuquerque houses tend to face inward (the back of the house is to the busy street) and most are walled around the back.  Here in Cleveland, the front lawns are just BOOM, right there.  Of course there are side streets, housing developments, etc., but it's very different from Albuquerque.  Plus...the lawns.  

First Days and Dreams

Yesterday was hard for me.  We had rehearsed what to do if you feel overwhelmed (take a deep breath and smile), introducing yourself to the kid sitting next to you, teachers' names, expectations (be kind!), and whatever else struck me in the last two weeks.

It was everyone's first "first day of school."  I was home schooled all the way through, and I've home schooled Katie so far.  I managed to keep it together, even when I saw Katie's eyes glisten just a little.  Luke looked a bit overwhelmed, although he fit right in with all the other kindergartners.  :)

All morning I hoped and prayed that things were going smoothly, that they didn't feel overwhelmed by the Mandarin, that the other kids were friendly.  As soon as I saw Luke, I hugged him tight and told him that he was welcome to stay home tomorrow!  No such luck...he loved it.  So did Katie, and she managed to navigate the "first day lunch box fiasco" pretty well.  

Still, it was hard to send them off again today, even knowing they were enjoying it so far.  I was really looking forward to homeschooling this year.  I loved watching Katie learn to read, and the future was just as fun to think about--(re)learning history, geography, writing, and other fun things with them, going on field trips, finding passionate people to mentor them in art, music, or whatever else they wanted to pursue.  It was painful to let that go. 

But this morning, my reading started with Ps. 145:13 and ended with Jer. 29:11--both such good reminders to trust God with his plans.  I spent this morning unpacking the games with Liz, per her request.  They were all mixed in with school supplies, and I found myself unpacking things we hadn't planned to--books, manipulatives, and other school supplies I've accumulated from my mom.  As I unpacked, I remembered something I tell everyone about homeschooling:  Every good parent home schools to a certain extent.  A good parent is involved with a child's learning, even if the bulk of it happens out of view.  I can still encourage them to pursue their interests, read books with them, and provide them with enriching activities at home.  I will probably always be a home school mom at heart.

Dreams should not be set in stone.  I learned that with David, and I've learned that with our previous moves, and I've learned that from adopting...this is no different.  This may be the plan that sets us up so well for a move to China, or we may end up going back to homeschooling.  Planning for the future is fun, but I need to hold those plans lightly and take one day at a time. 

The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does."  

Ps. 145:13b

 

Stepping Back

The temptation to try and recreate my Albuquerque life here in Cleveland has been almost overwhelming at times.  Of course we'll have to find a doctor and dentist (if we ever get insurance cards...), and a church goes without saying, but I spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out the right search terms to find a nice library stitching group, a great home school art class for Katie, and a church with an adoption ministry.  Although we definitely wanted to move closer to family and felt like it was the right time, I liked my life in Albuquerque.  

Instead, we are looking at a monumental life change, and I don't mean moving to Cleveland (that ship has sailed).  When I first knew we might move to Cleveland, I searched for a Mandarin immersion program.  I've always said I would home school unless the kids had the chance to do a language program, and lo and behold, Ohio's only Mandarin immersion school is in Cleveland...on the West Side...10 minutes from our house.  When I thought we were moving to the East Side, it was out, and when we moved here in July, I thought it was out because we'd missed the lottery.  I still clicked on the website one day, and I was quite surprised to discover it is not out of the question.  They are enrolling K-2nd grade in the Mandarin program, and it starts August 9.

I was home schooled all the way through, so I have absolutely ZERO experience with public school.  Katie is a bit outside the optimal window for an immersion program, so it would probably be a pretty challenging year for her.  With everyone in transition and no support group, part of me thinks I'm crazy for changing things up so much.  At the same time, MANDARIN IMMERSION!!  How can I pass this up for our family, with all the China connections, and our desire to live there some day!  And Luke/Liz/Titus would be in on the ground floor, learning Mandarin during the optimal time. 

I am trying to remember that although moving closer to family was the original impetus for moving, maybe God brought us to Cleveland for more than just a shorter drive and a closer relationship with them.  As the strangeness of it all presses in, I want the familiar around me--knitters and a home school group and my adoption people and everything else I had back home.  Instead, I get a totally new experience to help me remember to be open to God's plans...which right now, look like an immersion public school!

Landing

Note to self--maybe don't think you'll start blogging regularly right before you begin the most monumental change in your life since having kids. 

It's been a pretty crazy three weeks for us, and I wish I could say things have settled down.  Ha!  Things have just changed in a dramatic, surreal, and very wet way.  It's rained since we got to Cleveland on Tuesday, and when I see people running at three in the afternoon, first I think, "they're crazy," then I remember it was raining all morning.  When the kids explored the backyard, they were all marveling over the 'green stuff' that was growing in the rocks and tree (moss, for you desert people). 

Here are a few highlights from our crazy road trip:

--The stops:  NM to KY, KY to OH, OH to KY, KY to VA, VA to IL, IL to NM (by plane!), NM to IL, IL to OH.  

--75 hours:  Although I didn't clock it precisely, we spent at least that much time driving.  I love driving.  I'll probably write a blog post about how I love driving.  When we got in the car for our last drive from NM to the Midwest (sans kids, no less), I was NOT very excited about driving any more. 

--A house:  I am amazed that we arrived in ABQ eight years ago, found a house in two days, and it all worked out.  This house hunt has been harrowing, although we did find a house to rent for the next year.  The market here moves really quickly, as we found out when most of the houses we wanted to look at were off the market when we arrived three days later.  I'm so grateful for my cousins who helped us figure out some new neighborhoods to investigate, and for the realtors/agents who were able to work with us at the last minute.  We naively drove back to KY with three great possibilities in hand, only to see two disappear in the next 48 hours.  Choice number three was secured, though, and we were set.

--Excitement:  We saw David's family, my family, and my dad's side of the family, and everyone was really excited about our move.  It's been hard to say goodbye to everyone in NM, so that was a nice counterpoint.  I hope that in addition to our immediate families, we'll be able to hang out more with my extended family.

--Goodbyes:  In addition to saying goodbye to NM, I also said farewell to my grandparents' home.  They lived in a basement apartment in my aunt and uncle's house for many years, but the house will soon be put on the market, hence the VA portion of our trip.  I have so many wonderful memories of Christmas celebrations there with all my aunts, uncles, and cousins, and of course my grandparents.  It was a little hard to add this on top of our big move, though.

If you've made it this far, I'll leave you with a few prayer requests.  We are currently camping in our house because (of course) there was a mix up at the moving company, which means our stuff will be delivered on the last day of the delivery window, if that.  Pray for patience and that all of our stuff arrives intact after being loaded and unloaded multiple times.  You can also pray for a smooth transition--we've had a few bumps already here, and there are still many, many things to get into place.  Pray for David as he begins his new job next week, and most of all, pray that we will find a church family quickly. 

When Your Home Becomes a House

We had a power surge at the house on Saturday night, and it blew out our modem.  The timing definitely left something to be desired, but we finally got it all fixed last night, and the exile is over.  It was not much fun to try and find free internet, search for houses/apartments on the iPad, and try to wrangle four children around, but I think we are getting close to a list of places to look at next week.

Next week.  Yes, it's still a bit surreal.

We managed to get all the little odds and ends packed up or tucked away by Sunday evening, and our friend Jo came over and helped us rearrange the furniture and get it staged.  The cleaners came Monday morning, and the photos and video were finished by Monday evening.  A little over three weeks from start to finish, and here is the final product!

The house

At one point I told the realtor that when I saw the pictures, I'd probably wish that I lived in that house, but now that we're done putting everything away, I don't.  If we leave tomorrow, you'll know I gave up.  It's a lovely house (I think), but we've removed all the things that made it our home--the books, and books, and more books, the kids' artwork that got taped to the wall, the toys and stuffed animals, shoe bins and jackets, and all the balls from the backyard.  It's a blank slate for another family, but in the meantime, I miss the way it used to be.  Thankfully the kids have VBS all this week, so I'm not harping on them ALL day to stop touching the walls.  I go through the house before we leave and turn all the lights on, and do my final check--beds made, everything picked up, bathrooms cleared, counters spotless...I don't do spotless!  Even David is less than optimistic that some of the obsessive picking up and clearing will stick.  :)

I know God has a home picked out for us in Cleveland, and after watching a video my brother sent me, I'm getting more excited about being there.  It's a city that's going through a lot of change, and after seeing it, I started wondering how God will use us there to help bring His change.  In the meantime, though, I miss our home. 

Tell the Stories Again

When I was a kid, I always wanted to hear stories about when my parents got in trouble.  Anyone else?  They are easy stories to tell--funny (with some distance), and so very relatable.  Now my kids know the story of when my siblings and I walked down the street to the university track without my little brother and without telling my mom, and how my little brother started down the street after us.  Oops.  There was also an incident with David, his brother, and a hammer, but that's not my story to tell.

There are much, much more important family stories to tell--stories that bind and build our family together.  The Israelites told these stories every year, to help those who did not witness them with their eyes to remember and trust:  the stories about God's mighty power, God's provision, God's incredible plan for them.

No parting the seas over here, but there is the story of how God brought David and me to our fourth (!) choice of duty station, then provided a (perfect) graduate school for me in chemistry, a wonderful church that became our family away from family...when we got to the base, we heard that base housing was a super long wait.  But after looking and looking in town, we decided to check with the housing office.  They just 'happened' to have a 3 bedroom house available that day, and our moving truck arrived an hour after we got into the house.  Good thing we never did another army move!  (which was important for finishing grad school anyway).  There are SO many stories in our family, and I want my kids to know them all.

Which brings me to our latest stories.  David looked and looked for a job closer to Illinois, but nothing was panning out.  He found the IBM job in Cleveland and applied, and they responded within a week.  He quickly went through the interview process and went out to visit at the end of February.  And then the wait began.  In the meantime, he applied to a job in St. Louis--so much closer to my family!!  And they responded!!  But they weren't sure they were going to hire for that position, so we waited on that too.  Maybe this was why IBM was taking so long--so we could take this one!

No, IBM came through, made the offer, and we had to decide whether to take it without knowing about the St. Louis job.  I kid you not, one hour after David and I talked on the phone and decided to take the job, David got an email from St. Louis saying they'd closed the position and weren't hiring anyone.

We got a lump sum for the move, but it meant we'd be packing ourselves up.  Two days after signing the offer, we were helping someone move and asked for the boxes.  One of the other couples there overheard and told us they'd saved every piece of packing paper, every moving box from their (professional) move and we were welcome to have it ALL.  So far, we've bought a few rolls of tape for the move.  That's it.

After telling people I'd never been to Cleveland, I remembered that I'd gone to my cousin's wedding there, and they now live about 45 minutes from downtown Cleveland.  Family will be closer than I thought.

There are so many unknowns still with this move (like where we will live!?), but when I feel trepidation about the future, I try to remember to just look back, and remember the stories. 

The Right Time

This move may be sudden and surprising news for some of you, but it's actually been almost a year in the making.  Technically, it's closer to four years...David grew up in the military, and after we'd lived in Albuquerque for four years, he definitely made a pitch for something new.  We had two babies, two adoptions ahead...I gamely tried to convince him that switching to a new church was 'like moving!' and he graciously tabled it. 

But with almost four years of driving back and forth from the Midwest under our belts, I guess last year was a tipping point for David.  We were done adopting, the kids were getting older, he was tired of driving and ready for a change.  He sat me down three days after we got back from our summer trip and very seriously suggested that we consider moving closer to family.  We calmly discussed it and decided it wasn't quite the right time. 

Maybe his timing could have been better and my response slightly less shrewish and ill-tempered.  

It wasn't the right time, though.  Last year was a really difficult year for me--when you can't decide if it was more like drowning or being buried alive, that's not a good sign.  Although I certainly struggled when Liz came home, those felt much more mental/internal to me, and they focused a lot more around learning to parent her (and manage my expectations).  And it lasted about three months before I came out of it. 

Last year had aspects of that mental/internal struggle, but there were multiple extended illnesses and surgeries added to that, and so many other external things that just felt out of control.  And I was learning how to do everything with four!  It took me the whole year to come out of it.  It's a post for another day, but I would remiss if I didn't acknowledge right now the people God used to pull my head above water when my sanity was at stake--my adoption group, my pastor, friends.  Thank you.

In November, we got hit with another illness, one that involved night after night of staying awake with an in-severe-pain, screaming between cat-naps all night child.  It was resolved, but I think that was the turning point for me, and I told David maybe he could start looking at jobs within three hours of family.  It took another five months, extending the radius to one day's drive, and the small taks of rewriting the narrative of my life, but I think God has shown me in many ways that it is the right time now.

Change on the Horizon

I knew it was going to be something BIG that nudged me to start blogging again.  I haven't for over six months now...I can say things have gotten a lot better mentally and emotionally for me, but I still have four kids.  7 and under.  They take up a lot of time. 

So why now?

We are moving to Cleveland, OH.  In a month.

I've had about two weeks for that to become less surreal, and it's time to make it internet-official.  The short story is that we are ready to move closer to family, and with a husband that grew up in the military, some of us were kind of ready for a change.  Like going from two to six isn't change enough...

Of course, it's 8:30 and I'm already overwhelmed by everything there is to say about this move.  How I came from basically refusing to even consider moving to now.  The ways God has provided already as we prepare.  The things I'm excited about.  The things I'm worried about.  How the kids are doing.  All the things we'll miss.  And I should really finish packing the china cabinet.

So I'll leave you with some things to pray about:

--wisdom as we continue making decisions about the move (like where to live)
--patience, strength, and endurance as we attempt to pack up our house and get it on the market by the end of June
 --blessings for the kids as they make this transition (especially for Liz)
--comfort and peace as we pull up eight years of roots and say goodbye to friends


 And if you know anyone who lives in north-east Cleveland (Shaker Heights-ish area?), we'd love some on-the-ground insights!

Thoughts on Running

When I was in high school, my brother and I spent one summer running.  I can't remember if we were training for anything, but we'd get up early in the morning and head out, three times a week.  If you know my brother, you'd know we were sort of odd training partners.  He's 6'1" and I'm 5'2", so I was basically taking two steps to his one.  He liked to talk, and since I was really focused on air consumption, I did a lot of listening.  I'd have thoughts, opinions, things to add, but since I needed to focus on putting one foot in front of the other twice as often as he was, I rarely vocalized.  

It's been a while since I've blogged.  The last few months have been like the middle of a long race...head down, one foot in front of the other, thoughts streaming by with no breathe to spare.  I'm sure if I go back and reread this blog, somewhere I've written about how it's good for me to process things by writing about them.  But sometimes you have to pick and choose what good you're going to make time for (knitting a little, exercise) and what you will lay aside for a while.

Life has raced by in the meantime, and I'm not sure I'm ready to give up on this completely.  The tantalizing promise of change (that different will be better) is ahead of me with the start of a new year and a new semester.  No matter what happens, at least I've got these cuties to keep me company. 

Back home

Success!  We were able to come home yesterday, and the last 24 hours at home have gone fairly well.  Titus was understandably upset coming out of surgery, but they were willing to give him all the pain meds we asked for in recovery, and Titus even talked a little to us in between bouts of crying.  The nurse we had on the floor was very quick once we got up there and really stayed on top of his pain management.  We were discharged the next morning, and once Titus had the IV out (he didn't like being tethered), he was almost back to his normal cheery self.

Now we just have to make it through the next week until the sutures come out, and he'll be set for a few years!  Liz is already talking about when she will get to stay at the hospital and have an "ouchy lip."

Before:

 

After:

An Update in Three Movements

Well, this four-ring circus has barreled down the track through summer, and we've finally made it to the summer finale.  We had a blast in the midwest, hanging out with all the cousins and other family, and enjoying the cool-ish weather thanks to all the rain.  We made it through our first week of G3 (our church VBS program) and even arrived early most days (since I was teaching and all...).  Art classes, hanging out, crazy summer rainy concerts at the biopark...and now our summer is drawing to a close.

M1:  The surgery

Titus has his last surgery on Monday.  With two surgeries under our belt, we know what to hope for and (sort of) what to prepare for.  Again, you can pray for wisdom for everyone who will be caring for Titus, and good pain management.  This one will be the last one for a while, but the longest--four hours!  I guess the lip repair was not partial, but temporary, so the surgeon has to go in and undo the lip repair before he can complete the final one.  It's a tricky surgery because he has to knit together all the muscles and blood veins, and there's the 'look' to figure out as well.  We are so blessed to have a great surgeon!

M2:  The peaches

I figured I'd need pictoral proof for this one.  Yes, that peach is 9.5 oz, and we're getting a lot of peaches that are over half a pound.  Such great timing with the surgery and all...but I get to practice giving out of the abundance that God has given us.

M3:  The Olympics

It's been so fun watching the Olympics now that the kids are older.  Lizzie says her favorite is "Katie LeDucky" and always asks if she is swimming.  The kids do gymnastics, so they've also been having fun watching the men's and women's events.  We talk about what events the kids could do some day (even though I don't really want them to), and marvel over the athletes.  And just in case we do end up there some day, I'll give you a sneak peak:

Summer of Four

I had great plans for this summer.  After all, it's the first summer I've had four kids, and the thought of all of them trashing my house every day was a little scary.  I was going to have a schedule for the week, with special time for each child, and lots of fun activities out of the house like using our zoo membership or going to the splash park.  I imagined all these when we were about a month out from finishing preschool.  Then one day I woke up with a sore throat, and the next day I started running a fever, and 24 days later I'm finally better. 

Frankly, it's such a novelty to have energy for activities besides subsistence, I think I could take on the world right now.  Unfortunately, I'm not sure I have time between everything that has come up this summer.  Piano lessons, speech therapy, a VBS week here and there, summer travel--I think we'll hit Titus's last surgery (August 15) before I can catch my breath.  And then school starts.  Boom.

Not to mention ALL the things that piled up when I took a hit for 24 days.  Nothing with imminent deadlines (thankfully), but still...my long term to-do list was quite neglected.

The post I wrote about plans has come to mind a lot in the last few days, and not just because that was my last thought before surgery + illness derailed everything.  I am still thinking about that same tension between order and real life, but it'll be a good summer to practice being a little more relaxed about it too.  We can definitely take this summer one day at a time, and have fun doing whatever happens to come up that day.  Like a picnic at the playground during piano lessons.  Or playing house in the bedroom while Titus has speech therapy.  Or improptu outdoor dinners with after dinner gymnastics entertainment.  This summer, we will pursue memories instead of plans.

The End is Near

We are going on 18 hours of no pain meds, and Titus is doing great!  He will be two weeks post-op tomorrow, and it has been a real struggle to manage his pain levels.  We kept thinking he was ready to ease off the ibuprofen and tylenol, but even this past weekend, we were up in the middle of the night with him.  Of course, we discovered yesterday that he has an ear infection and sinus infection, so that might also explain it.  Poor baby.

But this morning he got up...no hour-long crying spell!  He ate breakfast without fussing!  My baby is back!  He still has copious amounts of nasal secretions (isn't that a nice way of putting it?), but the end is in sight.

In the meantime, we are trying to stay ahead of our packed week of preschool activities--the joys of having two children in different classes.  And yes, I know it could be way worse.  :)  Whenever I ask a parent if they are almost done with school, I get pretty much the same answer:  "Yes," answered with the same drawn out tone you would use to describe the end of a dentist appointment involving multiple pulled teeth.  Hang in there--the end is near!

Baby Dedications with a Toddler

This morning our church held a baby dedication, and based on these pictures, someone felt perfectly fine with standing up in front of everyone.

         

They are a bit blurry, but you can see Titus attempting to make a run for it and doing his best Sumo wrestler impersonation.  Of course, he was not interested in being held AT ALL, and based on all the tugging, what he really wanted to do was run around the stage. 

Titus has been doing well, aside from the diet restrictions (liquids till Monday, then soft foods like yogurt and purees until Wednesday).  His "Mama" already sounds more clear, and I'm excited to see what kind of progress he will make in speech once everything is healed up. 

Of course the baby dedication was held to coincide with Mothers Day.  Maybe I have a lot more adoption friends in my facebook feed, or maybe it's because I know of some people who have lost mothers in the last year (although, I'm sure that happens every year), but this time, it's a little bittersweet.  I keep thinking about the mothers who will not be celebrating with their sweet child today, especially the ones who have contributed to my motherhood.  How do you celebrate something so full of both joy and sorrow?  It's a hard lesson to teach my kids, and one that will probably be taught sooner rather than later, thanks to our conspicuous family. 

But there is always hope.  Our service this morning began with Joy of the Lord by Rend Collective.  That's how we manage to make it through this whole life, fraught with pain but filled with joy too.  And I will teach my kids to look to the One who will, one day, make all things right. 

Almost Home Free

Yes, a 6am post about going home really means that we will try to go home today, and it all depends on the discharge schedule, and his fluid intake, and how he does on the oral pain medication.  But really, can you take anything a sleep-deprived person says at 6am seriously?  You shouldn't.

Thank you so much for your prayers.  Titus did great waiting for the surgery, despite a very empty stomach.  He went back to surgery around noon and was done in two hours, and the doctor was very pleased with the repair.  We had the same recovery nurse as last time, and she remember how hard it was for Titus.  She was really aggressive with pain management and even gave him some alternative pain meds that aren't super common for kids.  I think those helped a lot, and we'll definitely remember that for next time.  He also wanted to drink something right away, and that was really good sign too.

It's always a little rough after the transfer, since the pediatric floor has to review his chart and get everything settled before they start medicating.  I was a little frustrated at the beginning, but we got the pain meds going again and even had a chance to visit the outside play area.  One advantage of going later in the day is that we hit Titus's nap time/sleep time a little sooner--three seconds on the porch swing outside and he was out!  The nurse was able to find a rocking chair for our room, and we also spent a lot of time in that.  He settled down to sleep around 11:30PM and got a good five hours in before waking up again.  So I was able to sleep a little better this time around too, especially since I didn't have to worry about his lip. 

The surgeon signed off on his discharge, but the nurses want to make sure he is doing well on the oral pain medications before they let him leave.  So you could pray that everything falls into place this morning so that we can be home tonight. 

Not Alone

Here we go again.  If you see a mom with two kids dressed up to go shopping, she may have just decided that a put-together outfit will help her hold it together today.

Of course, I had hoped that doing this once already would calm some of the nerves.  I am less worried about the unknowns this time, which is nice, and I know that in a week, it'll be better.  Still, I should probably accept that the day before surgery will just be one of those days.  So there's going to be a lot of deep breathing today, and songs like this one on repeat in the car.

I know so many people prayed for Titus to feel better the afternoon after the first surgery, and we absolutely saw those prayers answered.   So here are the specifics for this one:

1.  Pray that Titus will handle waiting for the surgery.  We found out yesterday that another (littler) baby will get the first surgery slot, so Titus will probably not begin his surgery until around noon.  He can't eat after midnight, so I'm not anticipating as happy a wait in the pre-op room this time.  Maybe you could pray that he sleeps late tomorrow too.  :)

2.  Pray for a successful surgery with no complications.  It will probably be from around noon until 2:30 PM.  We are thankful for such a great team who will care for Titus before, during, and after the surgery.  

3.  Pray for his pain management.  We've been told this surgery will be worse, because it's mostly muscle/soft tissue, and it's back where he swallows (they are repairing the soft palate).  The surgeon is going to try something different this time for the pain, so we are really praying that it will be more effective.

4.  Pray that I will sleep well tonight.  Last time I had strange dreams and very restless sleep, and that was not a great way to go into the surgery.

Thank you to everyone who has been praying--I will try to post an update tomorrow after the surgery.

The Pursuit of Order

I've gone through a flurry of tidying and organizing at our house.  It stems from a few different things.  First, I'm beginning to think about the next year of homeschooling, this time with two, and I wanted to get a little more organized and deliberate about what I have in the house.  We've hired someone to clean our house, and after looking at all the clutter they have to clean around, I was a little motivated to shed some of the extra stuff.

I was talking to a friend about it, though, and realized there was another motivation underlying all this.  We've spent the last three years of our family life getting our kids home.  A lot of money, time, and space on my thought plate went into that, but I think we're done.  (Don't pay attention to that virtual asterisk)  So I'm ready to make some space in my life to think about our family as a complete unit--what does that look like?  Where are we going now?  I have so, so not figured that out yet, but I want it to involve less junk in our house, so that seemed like a good place to start. 

Because our house is cluttered, and disordered, and really, my whole life feels like a four-ring circus right now.  I'm not a ring master.  I'm an analytical chemist!  I like order, structure, perfect endpoints in my titrations, and using volumetric glassware to make solutions.  In my dreams, my household runs like a well-tuned instrument (analytical, not musical).  I hold out hope that order will make it easier to parent my children...that I will be a better parent if I can just get my house is in order. 

As I was coming to this realization, a friend posted this link on her Facebook page, and one line spoke to the very heart of the problem with my pursuit of an ordered household:

"I've said it before and I'll keep saying it again and again and again - your "success" as a foster or adoptive parent is not measured by your capacity to keep everything in order; it's determined by your ability to trust that even in the chaos Jesus is beautiful - and even in the mess, so is what you are doing for these kids."

The ringmaster needs a plan if the circus is gonna run at all--but that can't be my end goal.  And it's certainly not how God measures success.  I wish changing my environment would fix all my parenting problems.  It's so much harder to accept that I will become a better parent by worrying less about the order in my house and more about the order of my heart. 

Onslaught of Cuteness

I finally downloaded all the pictures on my camera!  My life is still pretty crazy, but it's pretty full of cuteness too, so let's forget about how I feel when I take all four children out of my house at one time and focus on how cute they are instead.

(P.S.  You know you need more books, or you know someone who does:  Usborne Book Party )

 

My babies

 

Our "good" family picture

 

My favorite family picture...I think everyone was about done at this point!

 

Cheesecake time!

 

Sometimes I totally see David's side of the family.  

 

Oh, the anticipation.

 

Brother and sister, reading together.

To Love and Serve Each Other

When we were talking about post adoption schedules, I asked David not to travel for the first six months after Titus came home.  Sadly, we've gotten a few dry runs in the last few weeks because David has been hit with two illnesses that left him in bed.  Suffice to say I discovered my grasp on functional was tenuous at best.  We have soldiered through and even managed to get most of the places we were supposed to, but it has been rough.  The kids have also been sick off and on, but in some ways, it makes the days easier (Sprite! Bob the Builder! no packing lunch!).  Of course, it doesn't help my stress levels to be wondering if this is the illness that will send us to the emergency room, but with two in-family doctors and a nurse, I tend not to go that far.

Easter has snuck up a little bit on us, but Katie would never let us miss our annual Maundy Thursday traditions.  It was so sweet to see Titus take his first turn at foot washing.  We are looking forward to continuing this tradition for many more years.  (We've learned our lesson--no more bowls!)

David (who was still sick) fell asleep while we were listening to the Upper Room Discourse from John, so we headed back to the bedroom to hang out and ended up doing an impromptu photo session.  I have got to take pictures more often!

 

Happy Family Day!

Yesterday we celebrated Lizzie's family day.  It's hard to believe it's been two years since this little baby was placed in our arms!

And two years later...she brings a great deal of joy and laughter to our house, and we love her so much!

 
Her favorite things to play with are her "pigs" and her siblings.  Here she is reciting the Lord's Prayer (and let me tell you, she NEVER talks that quietly at home):