I feel like it's very rare these days to be in the position where you go out and check the mail every day, hoping for a letter (especially one from Homeland Security!). Most of the time we know what's coming, because we are the ones who ordered it. You may get surprise packages or letters now and then, but the anticipation is missing there too.
We were waiting for our I-800 provisional approval letter, and it arrived in the mail this week! Our next anticipated letter is the visa application approval for Titus. After that comes Article 5 submission (in China at the US Consulate there), and then Travel Authorization is next. Yikes!
It's been a little different this time around, though, because we really can't leave until I give my final on December 10. When we were chasing papers with Liz, I think we hit every major holiday in China and the US between December and March. This time, we've made great progress, but there is so much less pressure to (attempt) to move things along. Unless we run into major snags, I think we may get TA with a couple weeks to spare!
I'd still like to get a few things done around the house before Titus comes, but I think that's been a little different too. Last time there was some expectation on my part that doing certain things (organizing, decluttering, etc.) would help me prepare for Liz's arrival. I'm not sure it really helped that much, and things were still crazy for a while after she got home. So while sorting through the books and toys might make things marginally less messy in January, I'm focusing on more important priorities right now.
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Wednesday, October 21, 2015
Priorities
At the beginning of September, I started a project at church. I still remember those fateful words, "I can probably take care of this week, and then I really should stop."
Excuse me while I laugh my head off.
Really, how good are you at 'stopping' in the middle of a project you created? After that week, there was about two weeks of giving 90% of my time to try and 'finish' the project. Of course, David was 100% correct when he said, "This is going to be more work than you think."
I've since admitted that I'll be seeing this through to the end (basically Thanksgiving) and taken it to a much more reasonable time commitment. But during those two weeks, I realized this was the first big project I'd taken on since Liz came home, and I ended up wrestling a bit with how to manage priorities.
This is a worthy project. It's going to bless a lot of families (I hope), and it may even have some staying power past this Christmas. It's not the only place I can spend my time, though. There are so many worthy projects, and I also have, you know, a house, a husband, and children to deal with too.
Time is definitely a limited currency, and it's hard to know where to spend it sometimes. I was reminded of a few things by some wise people around me:
1. There will always be seasons in our lives. Some seasons are busy (like this one), and some seasons need to be deliberately slower (like when we bring Titus home). If there is a two week period where I need to set aside every checkmark on my to-do list so I can get a project off the ground, that's okay. When it begins to take over my life long-term...then it's time to step back and reassess.
2. Do the things that bring you joy. I'm enjoying this project at church, but I still love teaching chemistry the most. It's made me reconsider taking two semesters off when Titus comes home, because when I think about what makes my heart sing, teaching chemistry is pretty near the top of the list. I just wish cleaning my house brought me joy too...
3. It's important to have people in your life who will help you identify the top priorities and help you say no. Enter David, who kindly reminded me I could NOT also take on organizing all the kids clothes at the thrift store where we volunteer right now, and served as a good sounding board while I figured things out.
4. But it's also helpful to have people in your life who enable you. During that two-week "get this project off the ground" period, David was instrumental in helping me focus, reminding me to eat after teaching, taking the kids outside so I could work, and giving me advice when I needed to figure things out.
(If nothing else, I've been reminded yet again that David is the very best of men)
Excuse me while I laugh my head off.
Really, how good are you at 'stopping' in the middle of a project you created? After that week, there was about two weeks of giving 90% of my time to try and 'finish' the project. Of course, David was 100% correct when he said, "This is going to be more work than you think."
I've since admitted that I'll be seeing this through to the end (basically Thanksgiving) and taken it to a much more reasonable time commitment. But during those two weeks, I realized this was the first big project I'd taken on since Liz came home, and I ended up wrestling a bit with how to manage priorities.
This is a worthy project. It's going to bless a lot of families (I hope), and it may even have some staying power past this Christmas. It's not the only place I can spend my time, though. There are so many worthy projects, and I also have, you know, a house, a husband, and children to deal with too.
Time is definitely a limited currency, and it's hard to know where to spend it sometimes. I was reminded of a few things by some wise people around me:
1. There will always be seasons in our lives. Some seasons are busy (like this one), and some seasons need to be deliberately slower (like when we bring Titus home). If there is a two week period where I need to set aside every checkmark on my to-do list so I can get a project off the ground, that's okay. When it begins to take over my life long-term...then it's time to step back and reassess.
2. Do the things that bring you joy. I'm enjoying this project at church, but I still love teaching chemistry the most. It's made me reconsider taking two semesters off when Titus comes home, because when I think about what makes my heart sing, teaching chemistry is pretty near the top of the list. I just wish cleaning my house brought me joy too...
3. It's important to have people in your life who will help you identify the top priorities and help you say no. Enter David, who kindly reminded me I could NOT also take on organizing all the kids clothes at the thrift store where we volunteer right now, and served as a good sounding board while I figured things out.
4. But it's also helpful to have people in your life who enable you. During that two-week "get this project off the ground" period, David was instrumental in helping me focus, reminding me to eat after teaching, taking the kids outside so I could work, and giving me advice when I needed to figure things out.
(If nothing else, I've been reminded yet again that David is the very best of men)
Saturday, October 17, 2015
The Antidote to Fear
A year ago, I was not sure I wanted to adopt again.
I was in the middle of a rough semester--a new class I didn't enjoy teaching (with a larger work load than I was used to), some other things going on that were anxiety-inducing, and parenting a two, three, and four year old. The pace was relentless, but each day felt endless.
I knew we'd always planned to have four kids (at least), and we wanted to adopt a little boy from China the next time. My heart had been there, but I just wasn't really feeling it. After all, toddler is not my absolute favorite stage thus far, and don't even get me started on potty training for the fourth time.
Maybe three was enough.
The truth is, I was afraid. Afraid that four kids would be too much for me (whatever that means), that I'd discover new depths of frustration and impatience, and that I'd take it out on them. Despite how difficult I'd found things to be, Liz's adoption had so many things that went well! She bonded, she was barely delayed developmentally, we didn't have to worry about much medical stuff at all...surely doing this again would only be harder. Surely God would make it harder this time.
And there is the insidious nature of fear. In my case, my fear led me to cast God as the adversary. He would lead us into another adoption, and then make it even harder, even more challenging. Surely He had already given us all the blessings, all the answered prayers in Liz's adoption. I just didn't feel up for the fight to do it right, to learn from Liz's adoption, and to be the kind of parent I knew I should be for another child.
My thoughts traveled around and around these ideas until we drove home for Christmas: twenty hours driving there, and eighteen hours driving back, not to mention the six hours in between homes. I do most of the driving on these trips, so I actually had some time to think and listen to a lot of music. We got Rend Collective's "The Art of Celebration" and although I'd listened to their music, I was really able to concentrate on the words during the long drive home.
These songs finally made me realize how messed up my thinking had become. God wouldn't give me a challenge and then sit back to watch how I handled it. No, He would be there fighting with me and for me. Why would He dole out His blessing in small measures...the delight I feel in giving to my children is nothing compared to what He feels about me! While I felt like these experiences tore me down, He was actually shaping me to be more like Him. It hurts to have the dross burned out. But I know He is glorified through it.
The antidote to fear is to speak (or sing) the truth about God:
I was in the middle of a rough semester--a new class I didn't enjoy teaching (with a larger work load than I was used to), some other things going on that were anxiety-inducing, and parenting a two, three, and four year old. The pace was relentless, but each day felt endless.
I knew we'd always planned to have four kids (at least), and we wanted to adopt a little boy from China the next time. My heart had been there, but I just wasn't really feeling it. After all, toddler is not my absolute favorite stage thus far, and don't even get me started on potty training for the fourth time.
Maybe three was enough.
The truth is, I was afraid. Afraid that four kids would be too much for me (whatever that means), that I'd discover new depths of frustration and impatience, and that I'd take it out on them. Despite how difficult I'd found things to be, Liz's adoption had so many things that went well! She bonded, she was barely delayed developmentally, we didn't have to worry about much medical stuff at all...surely doing this again would only be harder. Surely God would make it harder this time.
And there is the insidious nature of fear. In my case, my fear led me to cast God as the adversary. He would lead us into another adoption, and then make it even harder, even more challenging. Surely He had already given us all the blessings, all the answered prayers in Liz's adoption. I just didn't feel up for the fight to do it right, to learn from Liz's adoption, and to be the kind of parent I knew I should be for another child.
My thoughts traveled around and around these ideas until we drove home for Christmas: twenty hours driving there, and eighteen hours driving back, not to mention the six hours in between homes. I do most of the driving on these trips, so I actually had some time to think and listen to a lot of music. We got Rend Collective's "The Art of Celebration" and although I'd listened to their music, I was really able to concentrate on the words during the long drive home.
These songs finally made me realize how messed up my thinking had become. God wouldn't give me a challenge and then sit back to watch how I handled it. No, He would be there fighting with me and for me. Why would He dole out His blessing in small measures...the delight I feel in giving to my children is nothing compared to what He feels about me! While I felt like these experiences tore me down, He was actually shaping me to be more like Him. It hurts to have the dross burned out. But I know He is glorified through it.
The antidote to fear is to speak (or sing) the truth about God:
We were born for greater things, We were born to chase Your dreams
Your great love will lead me through
In view of Your matchless sacrifice, Take every treasure, take this life
Yeah, you lift me when I'm sinking
Like the swell of mighty oceans
The power of redemption
Yeah, it gives me wings to soar
Like the swell of mighty oceans
The power of redemption
Yeah, it gives me wings to soar
You're not finished with me yet
By Your power I can change, I can change
'Cause You're not finished with me yet
By Your power I can change, I can change
'Cause You're not finished with me yet
Jesus, my soul is fearless
For You are with us
Fighting for us
In the valley of shadows
You are still with us
Fighting for us
For You are with us
Fighting for us
In the valley of shadows
You are still with us
Fighting for us
Oh praise the One who fights for me
And shields my soul eternally
And shields my soul eternally
Of course, you know it took a few more months to come around, but that drive was the beginning of my thaw...to turn away from the fear and seek the path God wanted for me and for our family. At the moment, I'm getting a little nervous at how little time I'll have between finishing my class and leaving for China (and don't get me started on my 'little' church project), but I can honestly say I don't feel afraid any more.
Friday, October 2, 2015
Our Little Boy
Titus Perkins
LOA: 10/1/2015
10 months old
(He's about 15 months now)
That means this handsome little man is officially ours...if only it meant we could head on over and get him!
We can't buy tickets until we get our consulate appointment, which is about four steps away. Our paperwork is now at US Immigration. We received general permission to adopt a child (I-800A), but now we need specific permission to adopt Titus (I-800). We need the I-800 and a few more things, then we can send it all back to China and get our Travel Authorization (TA). After we get that, we can schedule our consulate appointment with the US Consulate in Guangzhou, and THEN we can buy our tickets.
But the ball is rolling now, and there's a good chance we will be spending Christmas and/or New Years on a plane!
We can't buy tickets until we get our consulate appointment, which is about four steps away. Our paperwork is now at US Immigration. We received general permission to adopt a child (I-800A), but now we need specific permission to adopt Titus (I-800). We need the I-800 and a few more things, then we can send it all back to China and get our Travel Authorization (TA). After we get that, we can schedule our consulate appointment with the US Consulate in Guangzhou, and THEN we can buy our tickets.
But the ball is rolling now, and there's a good chance we will be spending Christmas and/or New Years on a plane!
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Friday, July 31, 2015
Adoption Update
Even though things have been pretty quiet here on the blog, we've continued to make progress in the adoption. I'll warn you now, we're getting close to this stage where we may or may not be matched but can't really share it on the internet yet. But we have added a few more steps to our timeline!
March 5: Application sent to AAC, homestudy started
April 5: All documents sent to AAC
May 5: Homestudy completed
May 7: USCIS received I-800A Application
May 19: Fingerprinting appt date received
Jun 3: Fingerprinting appt
June 9: I-800A Approval Notice received
July 9: Documents to China (DTC)
July 21: Logged in to Chinese system (LID)
Yes, we are LID, and that does mean the next step is matching with our son and waiting for our Letter of Acceptance (LOA)! The LOA wait is listed as 60-90 days, but I've heard of much shorter (ours was 27 days with Liz) and up past 100 days. I have to keep reminding myself that it will be very challenging to travel when I'm teaching a lecture class! So we are still looking at somewhere around Christmas or after.
March 5: Application sent to AAC, homestudy started
April 5: All documents sent to AAC
May 5: Homestudy completed
May 7: USCIS received I-800A Application
May 19: Fingerprinting appt date received
Jun 3: Fingerprinting appt
June 9: I-800A Approval Notice received
July 9: Documents to China (DTC)
July 21: Logged in to Chinese system (LID)
Yes, we are LID, and that does mean the next step is matching with our son and waiting for our Letter of Acceptance (LOA)! The LOA wait is listed as 60-90 days, but I've heard of much shorter (ours was 27 days with Liz) and up past 100 days. I have to keep reminding myself that it will be very challenging to travel when I'm teaching a lecture class! So we are still looking at somewhere around Christmas or after.
Tuesday, July 28, 2015
The Peace of God in a Very Loud House
As I chopped the butternut squash and carrots for dinner (a from-scratch one!), I marveled at how quietly Luke and Katie played together (Liz was still napping). When Liz plays, whatever I'm doing is punctuated by high volume communication, breaks to remind someone to use words instead of loud noises, and rhetorical questions/answers (no, you may not play with buttons...what is this library book doing on the floor?!).
(this is what happened in the last two minutes of trying to write the above paragraph...add in "she just kicked me" to the sound of whining and screams)
So, back to the squash and carrots...
Along with thoughts of how quietly they played, I thought how this (quietly preparing dinner) could be my life if we hadn't adopted Liz. It's not a very practical train of thought, since a) we have Liz, b) we're doing this again, and c) a lot of this is just life with a 2-year-old. But after dallying in that moment, I realized a few things.
At first I thought, "Wow, my life would be so peaceful if this was it!" And without Liz, my life would certainly have less noise in it. And a lot less of the following phrase: "Use your words!" I might even like cooking again.
But then I realized, that's not a peaceful life...it would be a comfortable life. We'd still have a little car, I'd be done potty-training kids, we'd be on our way to jet-setting vacations (maybe).
And I realized we do have peace in our life. It's just the "peace that passes understanding" kind, not the quiet days kind.
The peace of knowing God makes His call clear to us.
The peace of seeing how He provides for us.
The peace of living in answered prayers.
The peace of trusting He will carry us through the next adoption too.
And every time I say to David, "I can't believe we're doing this again," I try to remember that 2-year-old volume levels don't last forever, and that without Liz, there would be less laughter too.
(this is what happened in the last two minutes of trying to write the above paragraph...add in "she just kicked me" to the sound of whining and screams)
So, back to the squash and carrots...
Along with thoughts of how quietly they played, I thought how this (quietly preparing dinner) could be my life if we hadn't adopted Liz. It's not a very practical train of thought, since a) we have Liz, b) we're doing this again, and c) a lot of this is just life with a 2-year-old. But after dallying in that moment, I realized a few things.
At first I thought, "Wow, my life would be so peaceful if this was it!" And without Liz, my life would certainly have less noise in it. And a lot less of the following phrase: "Use your words!" I might even like cooking again.
But then I realized, that's not a peaceful life...it would be a comfortable life. We'd still have a little car, I'd be done potty-training kids, we'd be on our way to jet-setting vacations (maybe).
And I realized we do have peace in our life. It's just the "peace that passes understanding" kind, not the quiet days kind.
The peace of knowing God makes His call clear to us.
The peace of seeing how He provides for us.
The peace of living in answered prayers.
The peace of trusting He will carry us through the next adoption too.
And every time I say to David, "I can't believe we're doing this again," I try to remember that 2-year-old volume levels don't last forever, and that without Liz, there would be less laughter too.
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