Monday, August 5, 2013

Not Quite Yet

In the middle of VBS week, I got a voice message from our counselor at the agency.  Did I want to look at a file?  You know that moment before the drop, when your heart goes up in your throat?  When I called her back, it got a little more complicated.  She called us to ask because everything in the file matched with our profile except the little girl's age.  Her birthday was three days after Luke's.  This began an agonizing three day process. 
Twinning a biological child is always a possibility in adopting.  Despite what they say about recommending a year gap between children, neither the Chinese government nor the agency has any hard rules about it.  We've definitely heard of people who choose to twin a biological child on purpose.  Although David has always joked about wanting twins, we decided from the very beginning that we didn't want to twin Luke, even if it meant waiting a lot longer.  Most children show up in the system when they are 18-24 months old, so that means we honestly could be waiting another year for the right match. 
Of course, deciding is one thing when you're at the very beginning, another thing when you are looking at a photo of a beautiful little girl.  So we reconsidered.  Asked for advice.  Prayed.  Pondered.  The whole time I felt so anxious--why would God send us this child if we were supposed to decline the match?  Thankfully God has also sent us some wise people who have experience in adopting.  We heard from a family who also had to say no.  The decision was equally painful for them, but it gave them the opportunity to process everything, trust God, and know for sure when the file for their children came along.
Looking back, it's kind of funny that I wrote this post, since I should have gone back and read this post.  We finally decided not to accept the match, praying that God would give us peace about the decision.  And He graciously has.  We trust in His sovereignty for us and for this little girl--He has a family for her, and He has a daughter for us. 

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