Have you ever heard someone say that to you? "Don't worry; when the time comes, you'll just know." I've heard it about child-related things, but it's probably been said about many situations. I've also heard it about matching with a child..."I just knew this was our daughter/son." Talk about nebulous--I'm a scientist, and an analytical chemist to boot! I like empirical evidence, not anecdotal non-measurables.
The truth is, I doubt, sometimes, that it'll be that easy. We'll just look at a picture or referral, and this gut feeling will tell us that this child is the one meant to join our family forever. Of course for us it wouldn't be our guts, but probably something more like the Holy Spirit prompting us...again, talk about nebulous. But for this doubt too, God has given me something to set against it, a time when I really did "just know."
Luke was a pretty happy baby, not given to bouts of wailing or crying. But as you know, all babies cry, and sometimes, they just cry without anything being necessarily 'wrong.' Luke was about eight months old when he had a long bout with diarrhea (about a week). He was due for his checkup on Monday, so I figured as long as he was otherwise okay, I'd ask our doctor about it then. The day before his appt, however, he woke up from his nap wailing. Nothing seemed to work to calm him down, and by the time we'd tried everything we could think of, we thought he looked a little pale. Of course it was Sunday, but our peds office has hours on the weekend (yay!). I called to talk to the nurse, but about 5 minutes later (after consulting with David and my mom), I called them back for an appt. They got us in right away, we ended up going to the ER, and several hours later they were telling me that if this simple procedure didn't work, Luke was heading into surgery. It was an intussusception, for those of you who are curious, and the simple procedure fixed it without any complications. Nine hours from start to finish, and we were home in time for bed.
I look back on this, and I still can't believe I just 'knew' that something was wrong. He's cried since then (of course). And many babies cry inconsolably for relatively long periods of time...I think I was on my way to the doctor within 30 minutes of him waking up. I really did just know that something was terribly wrong, and he needed to see a doctor RIGHT AWAY. So again, when I have those doubts about whether God will make things clear for us, I remember this event, and I remember He's done it before.