Sunday, April 14, 2013

Confessions of a Recovering Worrier

Our church is studying the Sermon on the Mount, and last week we covered the passage about how we should not worry about tomorrow (Matt. 6:25-34).  We talked about a lot of things, but I especially appreciated the discussion about how to stave off the worry we inevitably feel.  We so often think about the future and what could go wrong that we forget to look back and see how God has provided for us (over and over again).  Of course God knew this would help--he tells us to remember the works he has done for us and to tell these stories to our children. 
I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done something like this (adopting) when David and I first got married.  I was the kind of person in college who had PLANS.  I had plans for my day, for my week, for the school year...I also had my five year plan and ten year plan figured out.  God slowly started chipping away at that attitude by introducing me to David.  You want to know what career is really hard for planning?  The military.  David was in ROTC, and he didn't know where he would even be stationed when he graduated, much less how long he'd be there.  Not very conducive to my 5 year plan, which involved going to graduate school for five years after college.  Also not conducive to my 10 year plan, which involved settling somewhere and teaching chemistry part-time for a small university.  I guess I was vocal enough about my plans that David wasn't sure I even wanted to date him, given his military commitment.  I quickly disabused him of that notion...but dating and eventually marrying him did put a kink in my plans.
I felt especially lost when we found out he was stationed in Arizona.  We had carefully chosen our top three choices to put us close to major universities so I could try for my PhD...and we got our 4th choice, out in the middle of the Sonoran Desert, miles from where I'd planned to be.  But wouldn't you know, God stationed us at one of the few bases where we could stay put for 4 years (the length of David's commitment), and he put us only 70 miles from one of the top 10 universities in my specific field.  Even though we were far from family, he provided us with dear friends who became like family to us.  The timing even worked out for David to get his masters while I was finishing my doctorate.  Of course, that led to him getting a job in New Mexico instead of heading back to the Midwest, but that's another story. 
At this point, I still wonder about the future--who doesn't?  But when I start wondering about all the unknowns, I try and remind myself of how all our 'unknowns' managed to work out for our good, and our happiness. 

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